So, it has been a very long time since I updated this. Since I started this blasted thing for saradoxical, I thought it might be appropriate to make my entry dedicated to HOW MUCH I FREAKING MISS HER and how impossible she is to get in touch with. It makes me very very sad.

But in order to constitute an entry, I should tell you something about me.

1) class started, school is hard
2) I have 2 jobs now..don't know how i'm going to do that
3) I will probably be having knee surgery soon
4) I graduate in less than a year (ohfuckno)
5) I basically quit Achaea, though I like to check in on friends there now and again
6) I MISS SARA VERY BADLY AND I LOVE HER. And I am a sadpanda and I hope she is okay :(

<3 everyone. Until next time!

So I shouldn't be posting this. No, no I shouldn't. I'm at work, albeit early (why. Why? On a Monday morning! Honestly..) and feeling like shit. I don't know why.

I spent too much time out in the sun yesterday and got a sunburn..maybe that's what's making me feel so ill? I don't know, I'm not used to getting sunburns so I never know how to react to them. This is only #3 or 4 of my life.

I have a lot of work to stay on top of this week and don't know if I'll be able to do it..I hate starting out the week feeling this way. And what's more, tonight my friend Julie is coming to dinner and then staying the night, so I probably can't just go home and crash and sleep for 12 hours. She's leaving for china on friday, though, so I really want to see her.

Bleh. Going to go try to get something done so maybe I'll get praise for coming in early at the Monday morning staff meeting. *groan*

I am pre-empting saradoxical's obligatory "YOU HAVEN'T POSTED IN AGES" complaint.  I feel quite special.

So..my life has been in pretty much complete upheaval for quite awhile. As you all know I drove back to Oklahoma, just in time to find out I got my job. So I packed up..again...and flew into Baltimore on June 2. I showed up at the place I'm going to be living for the summer - Claire, my best friend from high school, has leased a house right outside DC in Rockville, MD. She and I met up and I dropped my stuff off, and then she, her dad, and I spent the rest of the afternoon driving around picking up furinture from places she'd stored it, in friend's houses and apartments and stuff.  We ended up picking up a couch, 4 full and queen size beds (mattress, box spring, frames), a huge desk, and countless boxes. We didn't call it quits until nearly 2am.

Sunday, up at 9 AM, we continued on with runs to target and the like, buying necessities and finishing up gathering and carrying in boxes, arranging furniture, etc. So it was a long weekend!

To make it even longer, Monday morning bright and early I started my new job/internship. It's a pretty long commute..the metro is a 20-30 minute walk or a 5-10 minute bus ride away and then it's a good 50 minutes on the train before I get to my stop in Takoma Park, MD (right outside DC on the other side). I love it there, but I'll probably save the details for another post.

Anyway, we're settling in relatively well..last week was Claire's birthday, so we had a party for her and it went really well. Minor problem, though, our kitchen is a disaster because our pilot light is out and we don't have hot water to clean with. :( Anyway, I just wanted you all to know I'm alive and well and thinking of you all. I'm glad everyone seems to be doing okay. Maybe I'll get some photos up of our place soon, but for now it isn't really decorated, so it's a bit plain.

Be good, you all!

I love you all and promised myself I'd do this great update yesterday or today but I've obviously failed. And I'm going to be without internet access for at least a week while I move. omggggggg. I shall perish.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that you won't hear from me for awhile, but it isn't out of choice!

<3<3<3

(especially for sara. <3!!!)

I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!!!

*squeeeeeeal*

Hi.

Okay, so before saradoxical has a kitten, I'm going to update. Hold on to your hats.

Finals - sucked. I didn't sleep. Not the joking "oh hey I haven't slept in days" thing, the literal, "my ass was dragging, I feel like hammered shit because I have slept two hours in four days" thing. It sucked. But you know, I survived. There were tons of hangups, with rooms being locked and 40 kids cramming into a 20-person conference room in order to take a final and shit like that. I drank a lot of coffee, texted sara a lot, and it was just generally awful. But you know, I made it through.

I had 5 exams between monday and wednesday..wednesday after the economics final I got on a train and went to Baltimore to meet my mother.  I assure you I was in no mood to do that, but whatever. Thursday we went to a car auction, she bought a car, and we spent some time in Baltimore's inner harbor (which is lovely, but the whole "spending time with mom" thing is still a strange concept for me).

Roadtrip - Friday we went to DC, packed up my whole life, put it in the car, and left. I was pretty anxious to get out of the "school" environment, it was really overwhelming me. Anyway, I drove through these really scary mountains and stuff to Morgantown West Virginia, and stayed there a night. The next day we went to this suburb of elizabethtown kentucky and visited old family friends..spent way too long there ("a few days" turned into Saturday-Thursday..) They have an 8 year old kid who drove me absolutely nuts. While we were there I got a cartilage piercing in my left ear (I don't know any good piercers here, and the people we were staying with knew some so I just went with it). After we finally left there, we drove home to OK.

Jobs - My job at the writing center officially is over for the semester, I got my last paycheck last week. Yay! Anyway, Friday morning I had a phone interview with one of the internships I applied to..it went really well and they said I would hear back by Wednesday (tomorrow). Today I got an email and they asked for a writing sample, which I emailed them..and then I got a telephone call and it was the lady who interviewed me asking if she could schedule a follow up interview with the deputy director of the center. I did that, and I think it went well, but I was definitely nervous - she started out by telling me that it is narrowed down to me and one other candidate. She asked hard questions but I tried to stay calm and answer them as best as I could. Then she said that I would probably hear back either late tomorrow or on thursday..so I'm super angsty. I really want this to work out, it's a brilliant opportunity and it's paid, which is crucial. I'm trying to stay positive without being unrealistic..and it is REALLY HARD. argh.

Ear - So when I got my piercing it bled a LOT and then I passed out because of the adrenaline rush. I hadn't eaten and it hurt really bad, and I pulled t he towel from my ear and saw that it was almost completely soaked in blood and just..fainted. Anyway, I've been being really good and cleaning it frequently and not sleeping on it or playing with it but there was some mishaps in the park while I was out with friends yesterday and it's infected. :( It's swollen and red and really painful sometimes, and then last night around 2:30 AM I freaked out because I found this lump on the side of my head behind my ear. So I decided to go to the doctor today..it's a swollen gland because (duh) my ear is infected. He gave me super heavy doses of two antibiotics and wants me to clean it with peroxide a lot. He wants me to take out the earring too, but I'm going to wait until tomorrow and if it's still not getting better, then do that. I really don't want to take it out - I like how it looks, it just hurts like a bitch. Anyway, it sucks. :(

Grades - I did really pretty well. 4.0, which is nice, so I feel slightly better about busting my ass all semester.

I miss Mexico.

I am tired. I am cranky. I am stressed.

It is finals week. They start tomorrow. I am so..vastly unprepared. I seriously think I will just have to make it to like 10pm on wednesday without sleeping. I can't do this.

Well obviously I CAN. I'm capable. It's just something's gotta give, somewhere. Sleep, grades, packing my shit up..etc. Probably a combination of all of that. Regardless, I hate this.

Here's some random spanish lyrics for you because I don't want to go back to studying yet.

No voy a llorar y decir,                                                                 I'm not going to cry and say
que no merezco esto porque,                                                   that I don't deserve this because
es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero, por eso..   it's likely that I deserve it, but I don't want it, so...

Me voy, que lástima pero adiós                                                I'm leaving, it hurts, but goodbye.
me despido de ti y                                                                       I'm taking my leave from you and
me voy, que lástima pero adiós.                                              I'm leaving. It hurts, but goodbye.

Click here to see this music video and a really hot woman singing.

Yeah, okay. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I'm back at work.

saradoxical, how about that coffee?

It is currently 7:30pm.

I have not been home since 7:30am.

Somehow I am about to crawl out of my skin. 30 more minutes at work. I'm tired of this place. I'm tired of finals. I just want to go home!

Today I..woke up to my apartment being about 50 degrees because my roommates don't know how to use the thermostat properly, showered and left to work on a project for awhile with Deepa, went to Spanish, presented the project (it went well), went to work, left work and grabbed a bagel on my way to Econ, sat through the review for the final during which I PANICKED because I don't know wtf I'm doing, and then hauled ass back to work to sit here for a few more hours trying to get stuff done. I'm seriously going stir crazy, I'm antsy, and I'm cranky. and it's really uncharacteristic. Maybe saradoxical is contagious? :(

helpppppppppppppp.

Okay. Finals are approaching. I am going nuts. I still have no plans for this summer. I have this vast number of hypotheticals, but no plans. I hate hypotheticals.

Well. I hate them in excess. In moderation they keep life fun and exciting.

Mother and I got into a fight. Rather, she picked a fight with me via calling me yelling and screaming and saying some truly awful things.  I'm hoping it blows over. I'm going to call my dad tonight, see if I can talk to him and if he can help clue me in as to what the big problem is and how to smooth it over.

I got a promotion at work. I can't remember if I posted about that..but I did. It's exciting, it feels good to be recognized, it feels better to get a pay raise, and I'm glad that certain individuals attempting to sabotage it were not listened to. I've worked hard in this same place for 3 years, picking up the slack for other people, and it feels good to be recognized. And finally to be paid to do all the things I've been doing anyway!

There was a fire at Eastern Market last night, which is really awful! I loved that place when I visited it freshman year but haven't been back. Just the other day I was thinking I should go and maybe take pictures and stuff.. So that's really a bummer.  Classes end on wednesday and then finals start on monday, so I'm going to try to maybe take part of a day or a few hours and go around to take photos. Maybe saradoxical inspired me? Maybe. I can't hold a candle to her photography skills, or lady_tara's either.

You know, I'm realizing that I'm kind off crazy. Which is definitely unfortunate. Last night, when I asked "What am I doing with my life", saradoxical replied "apparently having an existential crisis." This is why I love this girl. I mean, from anyone else, that probably would have made me really angry because how not-helpful is that comment! But from Sara it made me laugh and realize that, in fact, I'm completely and utterly ridiculous. I'm somehow living in this weird limbo where I'm happy, but not. A part of me wants so badly for everything to work out, but the other part of me is so tired of stressing out about it that all I want is to just stop caring. I just want to stop giving a damn. But that's never been who I am, so here I'll sit, stuck in my existential crisis, just trying to make whatever comes my way work out. It's harder work than it looks like! *whew*.


So, this is an excerpt from a few days ago when I was in really no condition to do anything except cry... I started writing a post and then didn't finish it and ended up just posting it as a private post. In retrospect the part above represents something that is really important to me, and represents certain changes about me that I hadn't realized were so important.  So I thought I'd share.

Anyway, happy monday, kids.

I don't want to grow up. Can any of you all arrange for that?

Thanks in advance.

Much love,
Val

A brief rundown on my life.

1. I got my promotion at work. It's official, announced, and there was a lot of congratulating.
2. I have cried myself to sleep the past two nights in a row.
3. I still don't have a job for the summer.
4. My kitchen and half my living room are currently flooded, and the maintenance man intuitively noted, "Well, you have a leak."

Officially delirious. Just thought you should know!

Edit: The only cool part is that I got a Starbucks gift card at work yesterday so at least I haven't PAID for most of the 9 cups of coffee.  Even though I don't really like starbucks a lot...I will take free caffeine. <3

I am doing this today.

It would be easier if saradoxical didn't keep texting me!

I don't like this letter. But saradoxical gave it to me and its her birthday so I have to oblige. 10 things that have something to do with B and are important to me.

Bitch - the letter B is a bitch. Because I don't like it and I have to write this thingie that is all about it. NO GOOD.

Blah - how I feel right now.

Birthdays - are kinda cool. Today is Sara's!

Brown - is the color of both my eyes and hair. This bores me. :(

Boats - are fun to sail. Little ones, anyway.

Boredom - is the worst thing ever. I hate it. Hate hate hate.

Bookstore - is something I want to own someday. <3 books.

Bed - is my one true love, and I am without it all too often these days.

Bias - is the problem with America today.

Blood - makes me ill. The sight of it, I mean.

Okay this one was boring. It's sara's fault. But I love her anyway and it's her birthday so <3

At the request ofsaradoxical, I present to you all 21 random facts about myself.

1. I have never had the flu, or the flu vaccine.

2. I am a certified small-boat sailor.

3. My first and most beloved car was a pale pink 1973 Volkswagen super beetle.  A tree fell on it last spring. :(

4. I have only had 1 surgery in my life, and in it discovered that I'm .003% of the population that reacts poorly to anesthesia.  I was conscious for a good portion of the surgery.

5. When I get sad/angry/whatever, I indulge in silly internet notions like imreallysad.com and icanhascheezburger.com.  It's a strange, convoluted coping mechanism that I don't really try to analyze too deeply.

6. My best friends today are my best friends from high school, and in one instance, middle school.  I have college-level friends, but there is just something special that arises from the shared identity of the angst of high school and something about realizing that through all the changes, all the drama, all the crises, these are people that are still a delight to be with.  I love them.

7. Everytime I pluck my eyebrows, I sneeze.  I mean not just one time.  But constantly until I'm done plucking.  I find this very strange.  Additionally, for some reason, I find it impossible to put mascara on without my mouth slightly open.  Please don't ask me to reason through either of these. :/

8. My lucky number is 11.  I played softball for about 9 years, and my number was always 11. :D

9. When I was younger I was on a jump-rope team.  Like a for-real competitive team.  We did all the fancy schmancy routines and double dutch and whatnot.  It was fun, but gave me a chronic disease in my knees which sucks pretty bad.

10. Umm.. I was a Girl Scout.  Got my Silver Award - the second highest award in girl scouting.

11. I once killed a snake with a bow and arrow.  This is the singlemost badass thing I have ever done in my life and it was completely accidental.

12. I really like wearing socks.  As nice as it is to be barefoot sometimes, there's always something delightful about a pair of nice clean socks.  But once I get into bed, I always take my socks off, which usually means that on laundry day I find like 8 socks down between my bed/the wall.

13. I really miss dreaming in Spanish.

14. I want to learn Portuguese.

15. I am really allergic to mosquito bites.  Growing up in Oklahoma was often miserable.

16. I almost died twice from spider bites and am horrifically scared of spiders as a result.  So scared that I laid awake in my room with the lights on and didn't sleep the night before I left for Mexico because I saw a spider in my room and was afraid it would bite me in my sleep.

17. I once stepped on a scorpion in my living room. It hurt really bad. Growing up in Oklahoma was often miserable.

18. I don't like beaches.  There is something about the beach-going ethos that I really do not enjoy.  Maybe this is Igrewupinamiserablelandlockedstate syndrome.

19. One time there was a dead goose on the windshield of my car and I do not know how it got there.

20. I have a "freckle" in the iris of one of my eyes.

21. I really, really need a haircut.

omg i'm drunk :O

it's been a miserable day.

I woke up this morning to my clock radio singing "You Are So Beautiful" to me.

Somehow that just seems like a good omen.

Maybe my clock radio is trying to repair our hate-hate relationship? Only time will tell!